Lesson 5: Creating Resilience to cope with change

Life is a journey and at times it can be a roller coaster. As we move through our twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties and beyond we’ll face decade-specific challenges, difficulties and setbacks. We move out of home, have different jobs and relationships, get married, start a family, lose a job, start a business, get a divorce, face illness, win money, lose a lot of money, retire, look after a relative or even lose a loved one.

All of these events can have a big impact on us emotionally and financially.

Coping with change in life

While we cannot control what has happened or will happen, we can control how we react and respond.

Here are some strategies that can help us navigate the challenges that can accompany unanticipated change:

• Breathe, by concentrating on our breathing we relax and take our mind off what we’re dealing with even if it’s just for a moment.
• Focus on the present moment rather than worry about what has happened or what will happen in the future.
• Be Grateful for everything in your life.

Remember that smiling uses fewer facial muscles than frowning. By finding humour in a situation, we take our mind off the situation.

Take control and focus on what is important, make looking after you a priority and give yourself time to walk, practice yoga or spend time with friends and family.

Allow others to help, even if it’s difficult to let others in.

As women, we’re likely to be faced with a number of events in our personal relationships, careers and with our health and wellbeing that can test us emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and financially.

The problem with Change

There is evidence to say that what we are more stressed about the uncertainty that comes with change, than change itself.

Events such as divorce or separation, the loss of a job, or illness are most stressful due to the uncertainty they create for our future. The event itself doesn’t worry us as much as the thoughts of how will I cope? Or, what will I do?

This is a magically intelligent approach to managing change in our lives.

By accepting the things, we cannot change; we can let go of worrying about things of which we have no control.

By focussing on the positives and creating a mindset that supports change it will go a long way towards building resilience and creating success.

Building Resilience

Put simply, resilience refers to our ability to quickly recover from a stressful event. Resilience can be developed internally, through our behaviours and mindset as well as externally.

Dealing with setbacks can be challenging and our ability to bounce back, quickly, will often be a result of our mindset. There are generally two types of mindsets we take on:

Fixed mindset = victim mentality
Who when faced by setbacks are easily discouraged and may have a tendency to doubt their ability and give up.

Growth mindset =survivor mentality
Who see setbacks as an opportunity to learn and grow and will try harder to overcome a problem.

Our Internal Resilience can often mean the difference between handling pressure and losing our cool. Resilient people tend to maintain a more positive outlook and cope with stress more effectively. Research has shown that not all of us have an in-built resilience gene but we can learn to create a growth mindset and build resilient behaviours to support us when the going gets tough or we’re facing a crisis.

To create our internal resilience we need to:

• Learn from our mistakes. Understand and accept our own strengths and weaknesses.
• Be willing to overcome difficulties rather than avoid problems. Be optimistic in our thinking patterns.
• Seek assistance from others when needed.
• Recognize our own emptions and those of others. Set goals with realistic expectations.
• Believe in our selves

There are things that we can do to build our External Resilience when it comes to our finances:

• A cash buffer, to provide you access to cash in the case of emergency or unexpected expenses.
• Low debt or financial commitments, when you have a high level of debt, when things get tough – you lose your job, you are unwell or unable to work – keeping up with your financial commitments is particularly difficult and stressful. While it can be tempting to use credit in times of uncertainty, or trouble, this can also lead to disaster if not managed effectively.
• Insurance – protection on your health, life and possessions can provide you with peace of mind in the event that something unexpected or unplanned happens.

Protecting our personal information when we shop or interact online.

Asking for Help

Being resourceful is a great skill in building resilience; it’s also critical to ask for help when it’s needed. Outside of our family and friends, there are so many books, online resources, forums, and professional groups and support services. It’s okay to ask for help if we need it and by doing so doesn’t mean we’re a failure. It means that we have the courage and strength to try and fix things and keep going.